Friday, July 25, 2008

Frumpy wumpy grumpy slumpy.........

and a TGIF!!!!

Whatever happened to days of a few cupcakes, a birthday cake (fabulous ones that Nan would make - she could put anything together), the odd sweets, the homemade sweets and treats, the ease and enjoyment of a birthday party. And why oh why am I getting myself into a knot???

It has to be right, it has to be perfect or else!! I nearly blew a gasket last night when I saw the attempt at the school cake. I was like - you got to be kidding right. We discussed this right. You did understand me right. I had hoped being the voice of reason and saying that the cakes should just be ordered would be fine but no, hubby knows better. Thank goodness children don't see the faults we do and he loved the cake. My blood was/is still boiling!!!

Don't you just love that ABBA song....'Money, money, money..........must be funny, in a rich man's world' . I've decided I'm decidedly poor. I hate it, I don't like it and I don't want to be here. My brave facade is tears seem to constantly pour down my face. I want to hide in a shell, I'd love to cancel Sunday - no people around. But that is what I want - not what my poor Angel wants.

I am tired of the 'we will make a plan'!!! I am tired of making a square shape squish through a round shape. It's impossible. I am tired of staring at my petrol guage!! It seems to be more in the orange lately and border line empty than anywhere else on the guage.

Yesterday, I found some very very negative blogs regarding South Africa. It broke my heart. Is this the country I live in - a country I am raising my boys in. Needless to say those blogs scared me shitless. I was paranoid - every noise, every alarm and I was on full alert. Is it that bad, I keep asking myself.

Every second it is on my mind. It's been a month and I haven't really played with glass. Yes, I've melted some but out of necessity more than enjoyment. My Etsy shop has stayed the same for over a month now. Nothing new - nobody looking. I used to work on it everyday, now I'm lucky if I happen to check on it a few times a week or only if someone convo's me.

Okay, yep I'm certifiable. Let's find the straight jacket and put it on. But it is not the solution - I need to melt glass, get that Etsy operating fully and try my best.

I miss my Nan right now - she would sort out this birthday party in a blink of an eye. The cake would be perfect....and everything would be just right.

But there is hope, because through all of it I can manage to laugh and smile. Now before Elaine offers me some cheese to go with my whine. LOL My Mamma Bear!!! Let me get something positive done.

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