Friday, July 18, 2008

Thoughts on thoughts...............

"You've got to get the fundamentals down, because otherwise the fancy stuff is not going to work."

-Randy Pausch-

I've recently obtained the book "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. Within the first few pages I was hooked and after reading this sentence I was really hooked. It struck a chord with me.

Life and many things is just that - getting the fundamentals.

Same most definitely goes for lampworking / glass bead making. Without the fundamentals you're molten glass on a mandrel spinning rather fast going no where.

In the past few weeks I've had some brilliant students and I've tried to change my approach somewhat and I think it has worked. Only time will tell and the road they take with this art form.

But I find myself in the position this morning where teaching is losing it's zing for me. It could be that I have not been able to melt glass for my pleasure. I have certainly revisited the fundamentals quite a few times in the past two weeks. LOL It could be that teaching has become purely about needing the money vs. the enjoyment of it. I want, need to torch but I'm tired - my creative zing has taken a vacation on me. I stare at my torch saying 'What now?' 'Where do I start' and the biggie 'Will what I create sell???' and that scares the hell out of me.

With all the economic chaos around me I'm becoming scared. Wanting to hide in my little shell and only peek out once in a while. Then there are all the 10 million other thoughts wafting through this chaotic, manic brain of mine.

This morning my email is down, my website is down. Deevva we need to talk girlfriend!! Our local host is just way too much of a PITA!!!

The cherry on top of my morning so far has been the "please attend yr. emails. Thanx Michelle" I'm gobsmacked - am I sending myself sms's and last time I checked I must have attended to my inbox about a dozen times already this morning - not including the zillion times yesterday. Nope the number is not mine - must be somebody else....turns out it is someone else not even named Michelle but who is giving me a mouthful because I have not responded to a supposed email that should have arrived. Excuse me!!! I was not really given a chance to explain - but I do know that my emails were working yesterday and I definitely did not get one from the person concerned. I was like well if this is how you are going to speak to me - you can find someone else to teach you. Yep, out of courtesy I phone the number the sms came from. Could this be the reason I want to quit teaching. Quite possibly.

I am a teeny weeny home run studio. I can teach some of the fundamentals required to start glass bead making. I'd need more than 2 days just to get past the tip of the ice berg of what can be done with molten glass. I am NOT able to sell equipment, supplies and yadda yadda. I lose potential students because they want an all in one stop shop. I'm not that and right now I'm not in a financial position to take on our one and only supply shop. I send all my students to them to get what they need. Could this be the reason I want to quit teaching. Quite possibly.

Maybe I have PMS and I'm just having a bad day today. Quite possibly. LOL

But my love of teaching is definitely not what is used to be. It's become a job - and I want to enjoy it and at the moment the enjoyment is not there.

So my vent, ramble started off with the fundamentals. You need them to do all the different things you can do with glass. For me one of the biggies is HEAT CONTROL - without that you're in trouble. It also appears to be one of the hardest to get across to the students well for me anyway and maybe that makes me a bad teacher. Could this be the reason I want to quit teaching. Quite possibly.

So it's friday, I'm PMS'd (most certainly) and I'm a lampworker without a boat at the moment and not even sure in which direction I want to sail right now.

I need my lampworking buddies right now. Sadly, the ones I consider to be genuine friends live on the otherside of a huge huge pond. Love you guys. There is a lampwork crisis moment happening here.

Chat soon...........


Capt Elaine Magliacane said...

Want some cheese with that whine? Mich set that torch up and make spacers until you're bored and want to do something else. Teach or don't ... phone message we got last week from some 'drunk' woman... screaming on our phone message to '*(&^(& it open the back door and let me in the house.... ha ha ha... she had the wrong number... duh, and she called over and over and over and got madder and madder... at whoever she was calling. We turn the ringer off on our phones at night so we didn't get her messages until morning... Life's too short to sweat the small stuff girlfriend. GO melt some glass why don't you.

Carmen said...

Wow! You really are having a tough time girl! Hang in there.

Maggie said...

Love you Michelle! Don't be too hard on yourself, you have gone through some HUGE changes lately. Change equals stress. Be gentle with yourself. Do something just for you. Give yourself time. This too shall pass, remember.

This from someone whose stomach has been tied up in knots for a week since my house went on the market.

Lots of hugs being sent across the pond.

angelinabeadalina said...

Mich, I'm sorry you are having a crappy day. I hope it has gotten a little better since you wrote this. I'm sending you hugs, too.

I always so impressed when I see all the things you do, and you have made some big changes in your life lately (the move seems like a great change, but it is still change). Try not to worry too much about the teaching-- I can tell you must be a good teacher, and your students will thank you later for teaching them the fundamentals.

Hugs and hoping your Saturday is better than this Friday was!