* Christmas Day
* Other special functions
and notably funerals!!
I'm a hypocrite, that is all I can say!! I am in no position to take my gran in right now but nor am I happy about her being returned to a place that resulted in her hospitalisation in the first place. Nursing homes are notorius for not caring for the elderly placed in their care!! I'm torn, I'm angry but mostly I'm really angry at myself!! For not having the guts to do what should be done.
I am the outsider looking in. The desire to be needed, wanted, apart of is just not happening. I had come to accept this towards the end of last year but then invite after invite and voila, I have hope even though it was false!! My family is finally being included until *BANG*, it all explodes a few days before Christmas day. Firstly, my lil' family gets told what we don't want and that is you don't want to go camping, you cannot afford it etc. etc. Secondly, I'm not sure anyone gave one iota that our family was the only one not included in the Big Family Get-a-way and just how much it hurt!! Thirdly, I'm the bitch who wanted clarity on exactly what was happening on Christmas day, I'm the bitch that was ruining everyone's restful holiday - excuse me for not wanting to look like an A$$ on Christmas day. You hear 3 different stories about just what is happening, naturally some clarity was needed. But excuse me for wanting to know - just get-a-life Michelle!!
Yes, we are in a mess. Yes, we have made mistakes, Yes, we have asked for help. Yes, I bought a 'f*&^&' tent so that my boys could experience camping again. Yes, we sold our tent +- 8 months ago when it was just sitting gathering dust. Yes, I have contributed to making a mess of our financial situation - but dare anyone who thinks they are squeaky clean cast the first stone!!
I may not be the squeakiest clean of family members but I am a member of this family and I am resigning from it. I am me and if you don't like me, quite honestly, you can shove it where the sun don't shine!! Quite frankly I will never be the person you want me to be and while we are at it I have made BIG mistakes in my life, I am learning to forgive myself, I only wish you could too!!